The Coalition Song

After minister of the Crown for Business, the overloading-Cable's electrifying all out, carpet-bombing, nonsensical assault on the fundamental process of wealth creation, the basic tenets of civilised capitalism and, amusingly, all business generally, at the LibDum conference, I was just wondering what should be David Cameron's ironic song of the month. I've come up with this one:


Perhaps others can think of a better one. For myself, the only electricity currently flowing from this unhappy political arrangement is the stuff from the power stations that the lefty enviro-loon Chris Huhne hasn't closed down (yet) and will never replace anyway once he does. Our coalition-compromise lunatic Energy minister has stated categorically that he will not allow new power stations to be built, not just nuclear ones but any type as far as I can see, until George Osborne gives in to his tax reform demands. The tax reforms are actually a pretty good idea if taken in total theoretical isolation. But the fact that mad-Huhne and his insane-professor mentor, Cable, are demanding these things from their own government, and that hatstand Huhne is prepared to hold the entire nation to energy ransom to get his way, tells me two things:

1) This coalition is one major reality check away from welcome collapse.
2) Cameron better realise that his friends are very definitely electric. They switch their loyalty on and off at the drop of a headline.

These dudes have strayed way off the reservation territory the Tory-LibDum treaty had so fairly mapped-out for them.

Interesting times are back. And Dave, hey mate: 'friends' are always electric, especially political ones.

Where's Darling?

I was surprised to learn from Sky News this morning that the latest general election economics debate, if I heard right, will be between George Osborne, Vince Cable and...er...Peter Mandelson.

Hang on a minute, do they mean Lord Peter "We're all fighting to get re-elected" Mandelson, Business Secretary (among many other hats)? He's not Chancellor of the Exchequer as well these days is he? That's Alistair Darling, isn't it?

Have I missed something? Has Darling come down with an inexplicable stomach complaint (soon after having tea and crumpets with the Evil One yesterday afternoon, no doubt)?

If I haven't missed something, however, but there's no highly suspicious sudden sickness involved (it'd have to be a pretty serious affliction to force you to miss your own debate seven days before the election, wouldn't it?), then we are all entitled to ask a grave question about this very fishy affair: where the hell is Ali?

I think we should be told.

PS: If someone knows, by the way, why Darling has been elbowed, do let me know in the comments.

I wonder if George knows...

==Update==

Not entirely my fault because this wasn't made clear on the news - or I was half asleep - but the three mentioned above are all giving speeches to the Institute of Directors today, not debating, according to Sky.com.

Even so, the question remains: where's Darling!

Or, looking at it another way, why not send Clarke into bat against Mandelson instead of Osborne whose eyes, let's face it, are probably still watering after being on the receiving end of a couple of severe spankings in the past administered with thinly disguised fetishistic relish by the Lord of the Lies.

Ken Clarke, in contrast, owns Mandy's ass.

The Cable Guy

What a day. Not one minute to myself. Every second of it belonged to The Man. However, I'm plodding on regardless, inspired by that tireless campaigner for truth, justice, and the Cameron way, Ollie Cromwell, who's blogged the video of a superstar slapdown by Andrew Neil of the Cable guy, as edited by Guy News.

I'm not gonna embed it here. Go to Ollie's awesome Red Rag site (which puts mine rightly to shame) to see it. Click on this link.

The demolition of the fraud Cable is a wonderful thing to behold.

Morning Rant: Libdums, Hague on Schools and The BBC (Again)

Dad examines little Nick's report card

It was less than I'd hoped for but no more than I expected. The sight of wall to wall BBC coverage of the father-son Libdum, Clegg-Cable double act droning on and on about bad policies that will never be enacted (thankfully) or attacking other politicians from a position of, well, what? Total, unconvincing inexperience I would say. The sight of those two, with Clegg looking over at his dad every time he needed approval for something he said about banks or tax or bonuses or shares or whatever, was pathetic. The main point, though, is about the BBC (naturally). Why, exactly, has the BBC decided that every Libdum press conference and Q/A session has to be covered without interruption? They are the third party. What is more, this is the second day in a row our senses have been assaulted by the luminous, fried-egg colour wall and this pair of twits. For a third party, they get a heck of a lot of coverage from the Beeb. And none of the scrutiny (Paxman going easy on Clegg, for instance).

A little later, by contrast, I then had the sound of John Humphreys laying into William Hague about the Tories' excellent and intelligent, proven schools policy. Preferring the sound of his own voice to that of his guest's, especially if he's a Conservative, Humphreys repeated a phrase that I am sure I have heard Ed Ballsup, among other Labourists, use before, namely "a counsel of despair". How making it far easier for parents collectively to intervene in the education of their own children, and perhaps set up a legendary new institution for posterity as well, is quite beyond me, I'm afraid. Seems like the state grant they would receive to do it, in addition to the charitable donations and private funding, amounts to an absolute bargain. Everyone's a potential winner, most of all the children.

Yet Humphrey's pushed it for all he was worth, right up until Hague came up with his hilarious put-down that if state control of anything and everything, which is the position Humphreys appeared to have chosen to adopt - the Labour position - was such a perfect thing, then the Soviet Union would have been a spectacular success instead of the mother(land) of all trainwrecks, which clearly rattled the Humph judging by his response, which was blustery and weak.

I think this policy will resonate very widely and even excite a lot of people in this country, especially if people as good as Hague are making the philosophical case for it, but mainly because it's a damn good idea that, as Hague pointed out at the end, has a proven track record of success in the USA.

The Tories are winning the argument on education. The Libdums don't have an education policy. The BBC has just lost it.

Mash On Cable

Enjoyed this one from the superlatively non prisoner-taking Daily Mash:

IF THE ANSWER IS VINCE CABLE THEN I'M MOVING TO FRANCE, SAYS EVERYONE

IF the answer to Britain's economic problems is Vince Cable then what are the schools like in the Dordogne, it was claimed last night. You could grow your own vegetables while Vince is in the Treasury turning out to be shit As the Liberal Democrat treasury spokesman once again made it perfectly clear that he thinks he is much, much better than you, people across the country were surprised at how much house you can get for your money south of the Loire. Mr Cable lined up alongside rivals George Osborne and Alistair Darling in a Channel Four debate on Britain's economic future while millions of viewers stressed that French social security contributions are comparatively high but you do get what you pay for. Julian Cook, from Finsbury Park, said: "Give him his credit, he did correctly predict that Ricky Martin is a gay man, but apart from that all he seems to do is tell people what's in the Financial Times." He added: "Four bedrooms, an acre of land and a pool for £250,000. And it's near a village with a twice weekly open air market and a bistro. Yeah... sure... Vince Campbell would be a terrific thingumy of the whatever..." Joanna Kramer, from Grantham, said: "Bearing in mind that politicians are the unfunniest bastards in the history of the universe then I suppose Vince Cable is relatively amusing when compared to, say Anne Widdecombe or Adolf Hitler. Unfortunately I don't think there is a huge export market for pithy metaphors and self-satisfied put-downs." She added: "Did you know that the TGV travels at an average speed of 174mph and has a 98% punctuality rate? But I'm sure Vic Claypole will be super at whatever it is you would like him to do." Meanwhile, in the aftermath of the debate the Tories said that expectations on George Osborne were so low that he had won simply by not boasting about how rich he is, using the word 'piccaninny' or urinating in his underpants. It is not known how chancellor Alistair Darling performed as everyone had made sure they had something else to do while he was speaking.

Lol.